Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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