I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
