I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
