I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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