someone get that fucking seahorse.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
