If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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