my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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