Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
