She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
