we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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