How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
