Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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