Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
