Whoa Z and x make the same sound
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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