I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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