I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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