what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
