my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
