Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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