I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
