i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he was CRYING into my vagina
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
