I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
