I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
