so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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