take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If I die, sorry about rent.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
