they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
