Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
