I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
