I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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