I wannas sexs uuuuu
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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