is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
