Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
