I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
