I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
