y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
