Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
COCAINE IS GR8
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
