No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
