I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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