I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I pour the whiskey from now on
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
