I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
