alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
