Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
