IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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