im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
