Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
