one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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