Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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