There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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