I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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