Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
