quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
