i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
